The comparison of family value between China and America
Family is a social component. Traditions, values and other social cultural background affects a family combination, beliefs, family rules, the habit and the family members all thoughts. The differences of the life style between China and America originated in family life. Although people get influences from the subculture where they grow up, Chinese and American family both have some similarities and differences. This article mainly discusses the different family values between China and America, and it is mainly divided into four parts. The first part analyzes the different understandings of the family concepts; the second part compares the family education; and the last deals with the differences of the relationship between family members.
1. The different understandings of the family concepts
In China, family as a small group no matter its big or small, which all has its own leader and order, and harmony is the main concept of the family.
From ancient time to now, the greatest happiness of the extended family is several generations living together, and the old usually want to share the happiness with their family. The extended family is made up of several generations which are always organized from top to bottom, the oldest being the leader of the family and enjoying the highest power. Chinese extended family usually contains great grandfather/mother, grandfather/mother, father’s brothers and sisters, father’s daughters and sons, therefore, in China, family refers to the relationship which is linked by consanguinity, Chinese people are deeply influenced by the philosophy of Confucianism, they consider the family as a team, and they emphasize cooperation and unification among family members. Harmony is the main concept.
It is well know that almost every family has rules, and those rules are very strict, every member needs to obey them, and who do not comply with those regulations would be punished. For example, If one of the family member who just try to fight for the family’s interests would be regarded as a selfish behavior, which is unacceptable for the other family members, Chinese pay attention to the interests of the whole family this belief comes from Chinese understanding of the relationship between country and family, as they believe that family is the beginning of human relations, and country is composed by families. Therefore, in China, traditional ethicists believe that if we want to safeguard the state’s peace and stability, we should first keep up the harmony of our families. As the old Chinese saying goes” make yourself a good man, so as to be a good ruler of a family, and then of a country, and then of the world”, hence harmonious family is the foundation to keep the country’s peace, and if there’s peace at home, everything will prosper. Therefore, in order to regulate family, old family rules emerged.
In the Chinese extended family, people’s relationship is very complex, every family has its order, and both the old and young have to obey their hierarchies. Confucian ideas show that each family member should be dutiful, and do what they should do and not jeopardize others, and then the family will be at peace. These rules have existed in China for thousands of years, and it has had a very profound impact on the formation of Chinese family values, similarly, the Chinese have complied with these rules for thousands of years, and they have already formed such notion that these rules are a necessary truth.
American nuclear family focuses on the individualism and they advocate equality, freedom and independence.
In English, the word family is explained father and mother, I love you. In fact, it is merit. When American refers to family, they usually mean parents and their children, which is the nuclear family. For most Americans, the typical family is composed by a small number of people, the elderly parents are not included and there not many relatives living together. In their eyes, grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters are only “relatives”, not family members.
Based on the idea of equality, freedom and independence, the relationship of family members in American is very simple. Americans think every member of the family, including their children, is equal and independent. Individualism influences American family values profoundly and extensively. The Americans believe that according to their own wishes. The behaviors of any family members would be considered to be personal actions, less related to the other family members. They get to see themselves, instead of seeing themselves as member of an interdependent family, religion, group, race, nation or any other group. People who grow up in this culture usually do not concern about others’ interests but believe that everybody should deal with his own business. Meanwhile, the idea of individualism makes the relationship of a family very personal. Of course, that brings about some negative consequences, and makes American family over-emphasis on emotional education. Although the independent family relationship in large measure contributes to the liberation of family members, however, it weakens the family’s ability to withstand crisis. Meanwhile, it causes further separation of family members and the elderly may be increasingly lonely.
We can see that the understanding of the family concepts between America and China are very different, Chinese people advocate harmony, while American people support independence, freedom and equality, and the two understanding lead to a large number of differences in dealing with the marital relationship and the relationship between parents and children.
2. The family education
Family education is parents including the training requirements to training their kids consciously at home. Which is also a social activity that through the parent’s words and deeds and life practices to influence their children? The children spent most of time at home, parents are their first teacher, and the family is their first school. The family education is the foundation of children’s growth and development also is the bridge between the children into society. Further, family education related to the talent competition directly. Therefore, most countries are paying more attention on the family education.
Firstly, is about training of children’s independence. American family attaches great importance to develop children’s sense of independence, and consciously burden that responsibility. American parents thought that includes personality, sense of independence, self-esteem training, is all posed of one’s own attitude, it can influence the behavior of a person’s life. The American parents recognize develop children’s independence, he must first learn to be responsible for their actions. American parents not usually intervention their children’s decisions of daily life, let children self-analysis, selection, and make their own decision. After they make their decision the parent will encourage them to do it activity. Children will taste the joy of success and the pain of failure in the consequences of anything. This is unconsciously applied the principle of education of Rousseau “natural consequences”. Second, American parents recognized that the children’s sense of independence not only in the spirit of independence, but also reflected in the material independence. Thus when American children are young, their parents will develop their economic independence. Tell children through washing dishes, delivering newspaper to make their own pocket money. And control this “wealth” independence. Thus, in these seemingly trivial will develop the independence consciousness of children rely on self, self-determination and self-effort.
Chinese parents often treat their children’s attitude is “patriarchal” style, emphasizing the generation of father and children to obey and subject to attachment. Today was given a new “interpretation”, that is the parents of the child’s “arranged” behavior—the choice of parents is their children’s decision. In material terms, parents are the children’s private bank. On this way, children from young to grow up cannot always get rid of dependence on their parents. This tradition from the ancient China to nowadays.
From the consequences of the decision making to self—responsibility, is a process of independent, proactive thinking and self—responsibility. It is conductive to independent thinking and active exploration. And obedience to parents is just a passive response, it is the bad habit that easy to develop children’s passive acceptance and too lazy to explore.
The second education point is regarding the establishment of self-confidence, the American family attaches great importance to the establishment of the self-confidence. They placed the “confidence” as the first position of the bridge that can leading to the success. Their specific approach is positive in the child’s self-exploration results; let the kids recognize their value when they are young. When the children to explore activities, each small progress will be their parents’ attention and encouragement, so the kids will confident of their ability. And be able to continue to keep progress. This is helping children to make choice and be willing to adhere to; the other hands, is also conductive children to a correct understanding of variety frustration and not easily discouraged depressed.
Some of the practices of Chinese parents to their children are often made the children in the low self-esteem. Children from young to grow up cannot always get rid of dependence on their parents. Believed to be activity explored, an important prerequisite for innovation, it is difficult to imagine a heart full of low self-esteem of the children have any inventions.
The third of family education is about recognition of exploratory behavior. There is no innovation without exploration, the different attitudes of “actively explore behavior” of Chinese and American parents; it is worth us to considering. In general, the American parents have the positive attitude for the children’s various exploratory behavior. They encourage their children to make their own different opinions. Even if parents think that children’s behavior does not have a positive effect, they would not intervene too much. But let them gradually aware of their problems and be correct during their exploration by themselves. Most of Chinese parents have the negative attitude of children’s exploration activities. The Chinese parents thought are a good child is “obedient”. And the children conducted themselves “explore activities” as do “nonsense” and to stop it. The Chinese parents want their children are very seriously no matter in school or at home, and the children should listen to teachers and parents’ teaching. The children should not do anything that has no connections with learning.
Thus, there are greater differences of the number and variety of activities in childhood between Chinese and American children, especially the kind of adventurous and exploratory. Chinese children are often under the strict discipline of their parents with “missed”.
3. The differences of the relationship between family members
American values in the internal family are very popular. Many families are democratic and every family member has the right to speak. In the American families is filled with the ideas of equality. The children will be as a friend as their parents and not be afraid of them. From an early age parents will respect the child, pay attention to child’s personal autonomy, so that children will learn how to make their own decisions under the community allowed. Children can independently to solve their own encountered problems. The parents put the child as an independent entity equal treatment; they respect and understand the children. Also the children can freely express their views to their parents. Wife, husband and children share housework at home, and make the family decision together. The whole family focuses on equality.
In American, grandparents and parents not live together; they have their own home, house. The parents do not have the obligation to take care of grandparents. Because when parents from the child become an adult they will not rely on grandparents, they will make their own money to take care of themselves.
Now, most Chinese families are three generation lives together. Because when the children grow up and their parents are getting older and older, the responsibility of take care of parents falling at their child, not the government. The government is responsible only for old people who don’t have child. This are balanced, when you are a child your parents take care of you and when you grow up parents are getting old, you have to take care of your parents.
Child are always a child in the eyes of their parents, parents can continue to teach children when they grow up for many years. In addition, there is logic in the Chinese people’s mind that is “the elderly constant as a teacher”. In the family, older people will be able education of young persons, which from an inner family have an inequality relationship. Thus, children are learned that to different people say different things, to understand parents are more important than friends; the elderly are a symbol of authority. The child gradually got used to living under in the multiple rules. However, with the improvement of living standards and the family planning policy implementation, many families go to the other extreme. Because nowadays most of Chinese family just have one child, so that child in a special position in the family and to protection. The child became the center of a family. Parents have the obedience attitude to the child. The child tastes the exclusive, and don’t need to do anything at home. The parents promised any need for their child, children living too much preferential treatment, and emphasis children too much on economic. Which result in another family inequality?
Family values in China and American are quite typical, which reflect the tendency of people’s outlooks; therefore, the influence of family values are demonstrated in many aspects, for instance, the American emphasize individualism but Chinese focus on the whole family. Chinese family devotes to keeping harmony while American family centers on equality and independence and with less rules or moral limitations. Their ideas and behaviors are certainly influenced by their family values. Apparently, family values help people to form their characters which finally influence people’s future development.
Besides, understanding these differences of family values can help us gain an insight in the different cultures and customs, which is also helpful to the people both in the west and east, as well as acquire a further insight in culture shock and gaps in communication. The differences of family values are also beneficial for us to analyze the different personalities of the American and Chinese.
Chinese parents often treat their children’s attitude is “patriarchal” style, emphasizing the generation of father and children to obey and subject to attachment. Today was given a new “interpretation”, that is the parents of the child’s “arranged” behavior—the choice of parents is their children’s decision. In material terms, parents are the children’s private bank. On this way, children from young to grow up cannot always get rid of dependence on their parents. This tradition from the ancient China to nowadays.
From the consequences of the decision making to self—responsibility, is a process of independent, proactive thinking and self—responsibility. It is conductive to independent thinking and active exploration. And obedience to parents is just a passive response, it is the bad habit that easy to develop children’s passive acceptance and too lazy to explore.
The second education point is regarding the establishment of self-confidence, the American family attaches great importance to the establishment of the self-confidence. They placed the “confidence” as the first position of the bridge that can leading to the success. Their specific approach is positive in the child’s self-exploration results; let the kids recognize their value when they are young. When the children to explore activities, each small progress will be their parents’ attention and encouragement, so the kids will confident of their ability. And be able to continue to keep progress. This is helping children to make choice and be willing to adhere to; the other hands, is also conductive children to a correct understanding of variety frustration and not easily discouraged depressed.
Some of the practices of Chinese parents to their children are often made the children in the low self-esteem. Children from young to grow up cannot always get rid of dependence on their parents. Believed to be activity explored, an important prerequisite for innovation, it is difficult to imagine a heart full of low self-esteem of the children have any inventions.
The third of family education is about recognition of exploratory behavior. There is no innovation without exploration, the different attitudes of “actively explore behavior” of Chinese and American parents; it is worth us to considering. In general, the American parents have the positive attitude for the children’s various exploratory behavior. They encourage their children to make their own different opinions. Even if parents think that children’s behavior does not have a positive effect, they would not intervene too much. But let them gradually aware of their problems and be correct during their exploration by themselves. Most of Chinese parents have the negative attitude of children’s exploration activities. The Chinese parents thought are a good child is “obedient”. And the children conducted themselves “explore activities” as do “nonsense” and to stop it. The Chinese parents want their children are very seriously no matter in school or at home, and the children should listen to teachers and parents’ teaching. The children should not do anything that has no connections with learning.
Thus, there are greater differences of the number and variety of activities in childhood between Chinese and American children, especially the kind of adventurous and exploratory. Chinese children are often under the strict discipline of their parents with “missed”.
3. The differences of the relationship between family members
American values in the internal family are very popular. Many families are democratic and every family member has the right to speak. In the American families is filled with the ideas of equality. The children will be as a friend as their parents and not be afraid of them. From an early age parents will respect the child, pay attention to child’s personal autonomy, so that children will learn how to make their own decisions under the community allowed. Children can independently to solve their own encountered problems. The parents put the child as an independent entity equal treatment; they respect and understand the children. Also the children can freely express their views to their parents. Wife, husband and children share housework at home, and make the family decision together. The whole family focuses on equality.
In American, grandparents and parents not live together; they have their own home, house. The parents do not have the obligation to take care of grandparents. Because when parents from the child become an adult they will not rely on grandparents, they will make their own money to take care of themselves.
Now, most Chinese families are three generation lives together. Because when the children grow up and their parents are getting older and older, the responsibility of take care of parents falling at their child, not the government. The government is responsible only for old people who don’t have child. This are balanced, when you are a child your parents take care of you and when you grow up parents are getting old, you have to take care of your parents.
Child are always a child in the eyes of their parents, parents can continue to teach children when they grow up for many years. In addition, there is logic in the Chinese people’s mind that is “the elderly constant as a teacher”. In the family, older people will be able education of young persons, which from an inner family have an inequality relationship. Thus, children are learned that to different people say different things, to understand parents are more important than friends; the elderly are a symbol of authority. The child gradually got used to living under in the multiple rules. However, with the improvement of living standards and the family planning policy implementation, many families go to the other extreme. Because nowadays most of Chinese family just have one child, so that child in a special position in the family and to protection. The child became the center of a family. Parents have the obedience attitude to the child. The child tastes the exclusive, and don’t need to do anything at home. The parents promised any need for their child, children living too much preferential treatment, and emphasis children too much on economic. Which result in another family inequality?
Family values in China and American are quite typical, which reflect the tendency of people’s outlooks; therefore, the influence of family values are demonstrated in many aspects, for instance, the American emphasize individualism but Chinese focus on the whole family. Chinese family devotes to keeping harmony while American family centers on equality and independence and with less rules or moral limitations. Their ideas and behaviors are certainly influenced by their family values. Apparently, family values help people to form their characters which finally influence people’s future development.
Besides, understanding these differences of family values can help us gain an insight in the different cultures and customs, which is also helpful to the people both in the west and east, as well as acquire a further insight in culture shock and gaps in communication. The differences of family values are also beneficial for us to analyze the different personalities of the American and Chinese.
Source:
(1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_values
(5) http://school.familyeducation.com/educational-issues/parents-and-school/34360.html
